telebration time, come on!!!!

MJE and the OB&C have an anniversary coming up this weekend and have mutually agreed to telebrate the occasion, meaning celebrate long distance via telephone. It’s just like the billboard ads for the ambulance chasing attorneys that say “one call that’s all,” or two if you really want to knock yourself out. Next to ignoring them altogether, holidays are best observed via telebration. Imagine Thanksgiving without the kitchen drudgery and acid reflux, xmas without the expense and guilt or St. Paddy’s day without the hangover.

Telebrations of anniversaries are the best of the best. Despite years of marriage these landmarks are still freighted with outmoded expectations: romantic gestures, tokens of love, civility. Telebrations allow you to limit all of those tedious exercises to a few minutes, ten max, and even MJE can manage that. I do like to have the telebratory call or calls timed to coincide with my first bloody mary in the morning and or my second or third cocktail in the evening, or afternoon, depending. I find that I am much more amiable when my blood alcohol level is elevated.

It is MJE’s considered opinion that if couples did more telebration and less copulation most would stay together a whole lot longer. I know that sounds harsh but just think about it…telebration never results in unintended consequences like performance anxiety, or explanations of where that chlamydia came from, or worst case, offspring. It’s most unpleasant result might be a crick in your neck if the telebration runs too long and an ice pack can take care of that.

Happy anniversary OB&C! Let the telebration begin!