The OB&C and I have recently returned from a lovely trip to the olde countries of england and ireland…unfortunately I wrenched my left knee two days before we left and gimped my way through two countries with granny crankles overflowing my shoes. Sure regret those cropped travel pants. Then on the last day of the trip I managed to do a free fall onto my right knee. Falling has become one of MJE’s signature moves due to lousy balance, lousy eyesight and lousy reaction time…but not to worry, my knight in shining armor heaved me off the asphalt and into the car nearly dislocating my shoulder cursing my stupidity. Not to put too fine a point on it but it really wasn’t a matter of stupidity, more like clumsidity and I was in a good bit of pain and thought I might have actually fractured my patella, so thanks for asking. We finally managed to board the homeward bound flight, we were in “business class” which is steerage with pillows and free booze. One of the perks of paying what our first house cost is having a good stiff drink and a little bowl of hot nuts. However, this time, “someone” on the flight had a severe allergy to peanuts hence hot nuts were not on offer. Cheezits anyone? I am sorry, but why does one person’s affliction require that the entire population around him or her be deprived? How about, “YO, DON’T EAT PEANUTS” if you’re allergic. Furthermore I think in fairness to the rest of the passengers, said person should have to stand up and be identified as the cause of our collective deprivation and pelted with cheezits. I know that seems a bit harsh but hey I didn’t invent public humiliation, read our president’s tweets. And what is it with peanuts, how did they manage to become the alpha allergen, what about other allergies such as shellfish. When someone with a severe shellfish allergy walks into a restaurant the waiters don’t race around yanking lobster thermador and clam chowder off your table.
I did not intend to get on the whole peanut, or gluten or whatever other nonsense people think they cannot tolerate, but frankly that is their problem not mine so leave me out of it. I loathe avocados but do I forbid anyone else from enjoying their disgusting slimy, tasteless brownish goodness, no, and you know why not, because MJE respects the food choices other people make no matter how revolting they may be. And BTW peanuts are not a nut at all they are a legume like lentils or red beans so why is it that peanut allergic people can scarf down a whole mess of refried beans without distress, other than that caused by the post prandial flatulence, but if they get within a football field’s length of a peanut they start gawping like a landed trout and lurch for their epipens. Sorry for that digression, but so far it’s been the most entertaining part of this post.
I would like to interject that having just returned from the country that we went to war to get away from, that would be england for those who are history illiterate, which of course none of MJE’s readers is, americans and brits once again face common existential threats, sure hitler’s gone but now we have trump and they’ve got boris johnson and brexit.. They are as bewildered by our plight as we are about theirs. Yet it’s all really the same thing distilled in different ways, the brits want to be what they once were, a predominately anglo saxon empire that allowed select brown people from former colonies to come onto their island, and trump’s america envisions a return to our country’s “glory days” when we were a white country with just enough brown people around to hang sheet rock, clean the gutters and reroof the garage.
Aesop said, ”A man is judged by the company he keeps” and if you are of a biblical bent solomon basically said the same thing. Not saying that all trump supporters are racists, but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then the odds are pretty high that it’s a fucking duck.
Make america quack again.
my jaundiced eye 