catastrophic

Back in the hinterlands of unincorporated jackson county north carolina off a barren stretch of highway, lies the museum of the american house cat. I have always wanted to visit it but was always in too much of a hurry to get away from it. And now I have lost my chance, sadly the museum of the american house cat is closing and is having a going out of business sale. I guess there just aren’t enough cat lovers to keep a place like that afloat. I myself have always been a cat hater. Not my fault, my mother was one big time and in fact would make my gentle hearted father set traps in the back yard to catch them. If we heard the trap spring shut during dinner we would all rush into the back yard to see what we got. I guess it didn’t occur to us that the thing might belong to someone and would be missed. A dunk in the old muddy was most likely its watery end. I know that sounds gruesome but you should hear about the rest of my childhood.

But it turns out there are a number of notable cat haters: johannes brahms, dwight eisenhower, noah webster, ghengis khan as well as mussolini and hitler, (there are a few rotten apples in every barrel). Too bad the last two didn’t stick to cats…

But it did get me thinking about what exactly a cat museum’s going out of business sale might have on offer…huge glossy coffee table books filled with cat pictures, or books of cat jokes, or youtube cat videos, or maybe tricked out cat towers, litter boxes or scratching boards, bling collars, costumes, name tags, recipes for organic home made cat food? I have a sneaking suspicion that cat lovers are saps for anything they think their felines might like, knowing full well that even if they bought the whole lot, those cats would never say thanks or even acknowledge the gift. Self centered little bastards.

What is the point of having a pet in the first place? Duh, it’s their unconditional love. Shut it in the house for hours on end, unable to stretch their legs and having to hold in all bodily functions and what do you get when you finally return…resentment, recrimination? Not if you have a dog, you get a a tail wagging lovey who is so excited to see you that he pees and shits on the floor right then and there. I’m not sure about guinea pigs, fish or parakeets, but a dog’s a pretty sure bet. And boy howdy, if you have children, who are basically human cats with more expensive taste, expecting everything with little inclination to show gratitude or appreciation, then I strongly advise that you get a dog and pitch the kids.

Trust me, you won’t regret it.