Let’s get to it because I’m pretty goddam busy, first I want you fake news deep state morons to take a good look and see that I am wearing my awesome flight jacket with the presidential seal to show that I am totally in control of this corona crap. I only wear it when people are stupidly over-reacting to natural disasters, or other stuff. It is a signal that I am in control, which is totally true. It takes something pretty damn big for me to put away my red power tie and shiny blue suit, like a round of golf at mar a lago, that hurricane disaster hoax in puerto rico (remember my amazing athletic skills throwing those paper towels) or walking around on one of our awesome aircraft carriers. And I gotta say they are really really huge, I watched top gun about fifty times so I know pretty much everything about aircraft carriers but it kinda surprised me that they were so huge. They looked a lot smaller in the movie.
But we all know why I’m here, to find someone to blame for this goddam corona virus mess. First off it’s pretty obvious that china started this to get back at us for the trade tariffs. I mean why else would they deliberately let a bunch of infected people loose to spread this thing all over the world. I never trusted those chinks, but I never thought they’d pull a stunt like this. I should have gone with my gut but some of my advisors said do the trade deal, and as everyone knows I never walk away from a deal. This one wasn’t as wildly successful as all of my other deals, because I was stupid and listened to those idiots. Don’t worry, they’ve all been fired so that won’t happen again.
I think south korea is definitely in on this too as payback for my love affair with kim chee un. They really hate him and resent that we are totally bffs. You might notice that there are zero cases reported from north korea, right? You know why, because their dear leader takes great care of his people and wouldn’t let any of them get sick. God, what a guy and role model.
Then there are those lazy ass europeans, who spend most of their time drinking wine and smoking cigarettes. With that lifestyle they were really asking for it. I heard that the average european only bathes once a month, can you imagine the filth, no wonder there are loads of germs there. Probably more germs than anywhere else in the world. It’s disgusting. Plus they have horrible health care, you know why, because they give it to everybody. Ever heard of the commie “universal health care” that burnie, wore-on and that hottie abc or whatever her name is are always pushing. Well, that’s what you get. I can pretty much guarantee that that will never happen in america as long as I am in charge which will be until 2024 unless I change the constitution, which I can totally do as president, and run for a third term.
I hate to say this, because you all know how I really believe in science and research stuff, but man those dopes at who and the cdc really pulled a boner on this thing. What the hell have they been doing since january when they first heard about this mess. Sitting around staring into their microscopes, writing phoney articles on their dumb experiments or whining about how they can’t do anything because I took away the money they were wasting on trained personnel and lab shit. What a bunch of losers.
But I guess I better talk about the stock market. People are so stupid. Don’t they understand that now is the time to buy? Any idiot who went to economy school knows that. And you know who made stocks a once in a lifetime bargain, so the average working guy living paycheck to paycheck can get into the game? Me. Because only I can do it.
my jaundiced eye 