So let’s see where we are with our pal COVID-19….uh, in the crapper? Okay, I’ll take a more positive view and say we aren’t yet at the very bottom of the can, but we’re on our way there.
According to our president of alternative reality, he is on this like beans on rice. He has rated his performance as ten out of ten, while simultaneously stating that he is not responsible for any of the bad bits.
He pronounced that not only can everyone who wants a test, get one, but more important, he’s gonna offer every registered voter who tests negative a two nights for the price of one at mar-a-lago! What a fabulous deal! And if you are over sixty and get your test within the next 24 hours he’ll throw in a free round of golf. Only he can make such an amazing offer. Most of the flights into miami have been cancelled so top off the tank (gas is getting cheaper!) and hit the road boomers. Just like the old days!! Woohoo! Road trip!!!
And although what’s left of his health team were instructing people to self-quarantine, practice social distancing and not to assemble in groups of more than ten, he assured his fans that his rally events in toledo, detroit and chicago are still a go. He cautioned people to arrive early as the lines will be very long. To ensure everyone’s safety, each attendee will receive a make america clean again bottle of hand sanitizer as a souvenir. These rallies promise to be really, really great and people should definitely come and bring along their voting age family members!
Meanwhile in the real world cities are shutting down schools, restaurants and bars and workers are being sent home as businesses close. But all is not lost, jarred, despite his total lack of expertise is on the job as the recently appointed czar de corona, coordinating all of daddy in law’s fictional rapid response to the pandemic, Jarred, aka wonder boy, already has a pretty hefty work load: achieving a middle east peace accord, moving israel’s capitol to jerusalem, supervising the government’s response to the opioid crisis, criminal justice reform, and liaison to mexico, china and the muslim community. So I guess he’s batting like 125. Not so good. But despite his amazing capabilities, real and imagined, he is unable to turn back the hands of time. Nor is he capable of coordinating the federal government’s shambolic response to what was a wholly predictable situation. The one thing he does have is a half empty building at 666 fifth avenue which he will be happy to lease out for additional hospital capacity, obviously at well above market value, given the current situation. America first!
my jaundiced eye 