We know we are in deep dung when we are forced to rely on governors and local authorities to control a pandemic. You know, those jokers who never seem to do anything except line their pockets and appoint relatives to the payroll. But sadly, that’s about all we’ve got to get us through this clusterfuck. Obviously the feds are incapable of organizing a bingo game, much less responding to a worldwide health crisis.
But el president assures us that things are going to be solved “fast, rapidly and quickly”. Who can argue with three words that mean the same thing. He has a really good feeling about an amazing, fantastic drug called chloroquine, but some people add another word in front of it, hydroxy, so it sounds like hydroxychloroquine. It’s a huge word for a fantastic drug which has been around a long time, a long time. It definitely won’t hurt you because it has been used for many, many years. It has not been tried on the chinese virus, or wuhan flu as some people call it, but it has worked on many, many other things. It started out as a medicine to treat malaria (FYI malaria is not a virus, it is caused by a protozoan parasite that invades red blood cells and causes intermittent fevers) but he’s heard from many, many people that hydroxychloroquine works for lots of different things, because it is a real miracle drug, a fantastic, unbelievable drug, unbelievable. People can’t believe it. He has heard many incredible stories that people have used it for lots of things: tennis elbow, eczema, toenail fungus, alopecia and so many other things. It’s really a miracle.
Of course there are always some really dumb people who just can’t get it right. Some bozo died after he ate a bunch of his wife’s fish food, because he saw that chloroquine was in it, who does that? Someone who actually listened to el president about what an amazing drug it is? Talk about stupid.
Fortunately, we have our pre-eminent health officials available to offer their sage advice. You know who they are, the people who stand behind the president during his press conferences looking like they all have stockholm syndrome. There’s dr. birxs with her pained smile and fab scarves, dr, fauci who will most certainly lose all of his teeth if he clenches his jaws any tighter, and of course, the stone faced vp pants, the monotone milquetoast, master of the mid-distance stare, commander of the corona virus space force and fall guy when this shitshow goes sideways. I’m no towering intellect but it sure looks like we’re on a pretty steep tilt right now. His stupor-inducing delivery, punctuated by a minimum of at least a dozen rhapsodic shout outs to his dear leader, is concluded with his waving the 15 days to “slow the spread” card which we are all advised to heed. Imagine having all of the information you need to know on how to stop a pandemic on an 8” X 10” laminated card! That’s american know how!
The fact that all of the governmental poohbahs responsible for containing this virus are standing cheek by jowl seems to send a somewhat contradictory message about social distancing. Our dear leader has made a pretty dramatic pivot from this is a nothing burger concocted by the democrats, to yeah we have a few cases but I can solve it in a few days, to there are more cases but we have this totally under control, to holy shit look at the stock market…and that was the moment when the economic, not physical, pain caused by this pandemic began to penetrate el presidente’s thick skull and dull mind. It was only then that he finally listened to whatever clear-eyed advisors he still has and took another tack, assuming the mantle of a “wartime president” facing an unseen enemy….oooooo. So brave, so courageous, so decisive!
However, instead of “all we have to fear is fear itself” coming from our commander in chief, we’ve got “quit whining and fend for yourselves.” And, ever the victim, trump stated that the country was out of bullets when he took office, like real bullets but now we have more bullets than any other country in the world. An amazing number of bullets, so many bullets. What’s up with the bullets? Are we supposed to shoot ourselves out of this thing?
And it’s all obama’s fault.
my jaundiced eye 