In case you may have missed this newsflash, our country is under a withering siege by vicious drug cartels. Those dastardly drug lords think that just because the federal government is tying itself in gordian knots figuring out what the hell to do about COVID-19 that we’ve taken our eye off the real killer here, the scourge of illegal drugs pouring in. And it is a scourge, a real scourge. It’s so true. They are out there lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce on anyone who might be outside going to the grocery, liquor store or pharmacy. Admittedly they have to pounce pretty high if they are on the other side of our 161 mile fence between us and mexcico. Of course, they could get a ladder, or walk around it or scale it like a rock climber. But best not to dwell on scenarios so preposterous that it is inconceivable. Those people are not big thinkers, they just don’t have the brain power, they see a huge wall, and it is huge. You should see it. They see that thing and just turn around and walk back to guatamala.
Do those drug crazed fiends really think that the federal government can’t do two things at once? Fools. At a recent daily COVID-19 gasbag press conference trump trotted out a platoon of grizzled military men, all wearing more medals than mussolini. One by one they kneeled down and licked our dear leader’s wingtips then proceeded to reassure the american public that what with the COVID-19 thing going around it would be highly unlikely anyone would die of a drug overdose before the virus did them in. Naaaah they didn’t, but that would have been sorta funny.
When things just aren’t going your way, like with the wuhan flu, it’s always good to have a back up plan you can point to and say, see this here, I’ve got this. I am all over this. This drug war deal is running like clockwork because I made it. I’m the only one who could have done this extraordinary thing that nobody ever tried before. Never even tried. Can you believe it? This incredible team, america’s military might, under my command, have accomplished something no one believed could happen. Totally amazing. Years from now, people will still be talking about it. He went on to hail himself as a wartime president, right up there with washington, lincoln, and roosevelt, except even better. He’s having to fight two wars at the same time, like one isn’t enough work. Not only does he have the drug war, which is going really, really well but he’s also got the chinese flu, the unseen enemy. So tough to fight an unseen enemy, you can’t see em, it’s like they’re invisible. It’s tough, very tough. But he can do it all.
my jaundiced eye 