So a few weeks into 2023 and the world hasn’t imploded yet, well except for poor ukraine, which jumped the gun, so to speak, with an assist from rootin’ tootin’ putin, the world’s worst person, next to elon muskellunge. While here on the home front, we might as well throw in kevin mcarthy who in his quest for the worst job in the world, finally managed to negotiate a price for his soul that was so low it’s like you’re in a TJ Maxx and there is something so cheap that even though you don’t want it you just buy it anyway.
I try to give equal time to skewering politicians and family members so as to appear “fair and balanced” I’ll shift to to the latter. The OB&C and I hosted our NYD party to force feed our northern friends the southern new year’s good luck elixir of black eyed peas and greens to ensure good fortune and wealth in the new year. No matter how bad a year is, I always figure that without bep and cabbage it certainly would have been so much worse.
However, one of us made a bit too merry and had a rather restless night, with comings and goings to the necessary. After one such visit, on the return voyage to the bedroom, there was a massive thud in the closet followed by some unintelligible mutterings and expletives. What now says I to myself, and dragged myself out of bed to find the OB&C splayed in an open suitcase (still unpacked from a christmas vacay) with his feet stuck inside one leg of his underpants, and his ass firmly planted in my roller bag, struggling to right himself like a turtle on its back. He was solidly wedged into that thing and he ain’t no featherweight. It’s times like these when the fact that you haven’t lifted anything heavier than a glass of chardonnay for quite a while comes home to roost, also where the lug in luggage comes from. Holy frijole, without even the benefit of a good stretch I finally maneuvered his extraction . Baggage handlers around the world I salute you.
As if that weren’t sufficient nocturnal high jinx, a few nights later, groping around my nightstand in the dark for cough syrup, I managed to grab a bottle of eucerine intensive repair lotion which I proceeded to pour into my mouth. I levitated off the bed and flew into the bathroom to expel as much as possible, spitting like a hillbilly with a mouth full of tobacco juice. Seriously, how much can one person take, more literally, how much eucerine lotion can one person ingest? My only hope is that if it’s labelled intensive repair, that perhaps it might apply to a couple of my internal organs which seem to have suffered a bit under the heavy load of a lifetime of metabolizing large quantities of ethyl alcohol.
Bottoms up all around.
my jaundiced eye 