Mje totally understands the outrage and confusion regarding st. george’s resume, but what the general public doesn’t understand is that rather than inflating his accomplishments, st. g greatly down played them in order to be more relatable to ordinary people.
For instance, he stated that he attended baruch college. Far from it my friends, st. g has an undergraduate degree from tsinghua university in bejing where he earned double bachelor’s degrees in business and science, majoring in world economics and quantum physics, in chinese. Feeling that perhaps his education was not rounded enough he earned a second undergraduate degree from from the university of arkansas majoring in homeopathic medicine and cross dressing fashion design.
During his undergraduate studies in china his extracurricular activities included martial arts, in which he earned a black belt and was known on campus at the karate kid. Additionally he pursued his passion for floral arranging and won first place at the chelsea flower show. But perhaps he is best known for his mastery of water ballet, the only (fe) male to be invited to compete in the olympics in beijing, where the chinese team won gold for the first time. Then, at the university of arkansas, selected because, as he said in his memoir, “alone in the world, a holocaust orphan,” he wanted to be closer to his ancestral home in sao paulo or belguim.
At u-ark st. g walked on as a true freshman on both the football and foosball teams, became an esteemed member of the mud wrestling team and won the title of barbeque pit master going on to beat bobby flay in his throw down competition. Go razorbacks!
Recruited by both the london school of economics and the university of louisiana at lafayette, know colloquially as oo-la-la, he instead intended to pursue his master’s degree in teaching at sweetbriar college, which unfortunately closed down abruptly after the endowment fund was lost in a ponzi scheme, of which he had no knowledge but was nevertheless falsely charged, and finally exonerated of all charges.
Feeling as though he needed more real world experience he was immediately snapped up by space x and although not widely known, accompanied elon, on his first mission into semi-outer space, in the baggage hold. Impressed with his endurance, elon tapped him to oversee facebook and twitter which, due to circumstances beyond his control began hemorrhaging money and since his tenure, has had to lay off thousands of employees. St.g however, due to his dramatic work ethic and ability to survive a g-force of approximately 3g’s, wearing a g string instead of the recommended g-suit, was rewarded with a $700,000 bonus.
But being the man he is, st. g, felt it was time to give back to the community, so he left the business world and entered politics. He was totally unprepared for the rough and tumble political environment, but continued to give it his all, including his bonus from facebook and twitter and several friends’ go fund me charitable campaigns. He tried to understate his achievements, but was instead mocked and derided by the left wing press. In the end, he was, as usual, successful and now sits in the us house of representatives as a republican congressman from ny. His resume, although wildly understated, and only mildly embellished, was accepted without question and his singular relationship with truth and honor earned him seats on two of the most powerful congressional committees.
oyvey-ish
my jaundiced eye 