Well four weeks in and duo-ego is well on its way toward the goal of putting more people out of work than the great depression. It took a world war to get us out of that one and the rate at which we are pissing off our allies I wouldn’t rule out a repeat. Go big or go home. The mind boggling thing is that the mess we are in, if you think mass unemployment is less than optimal, is that it’s entirely self-inflicted. I guess nobody clued the brainiacs in the white house to the fact that a democracy is, by design, unmanageable and inefficient because everyone who chooses to participate is welcome to throw in their two cents worth. Technically we are all equal, but as the george orwell said, some of us are more equal than others. And that, my fellow americans, is why you are standing on the corner with a cardboard box of desk clutter and a WTF expression on your face.
However, in their mania to cut waste, fraud and abuse in the government duo-ego may have been a bit hasty. Turns out that you really need do need a few people in say the national nuclear security administration where 350 employees were fired without notice and do not appear to be interested in rejoining the ranks of the reich. And not to make light of a situation involving nuclear weapons, but the fact that the crack team of tween age roger dogers cannot seem to locate them does seem hilarious.
A transcript of a conversation recorded by a nanny cam in nuclear weapon silo 0317-BFYIn-691206581b last week…”Hey Bill, do you remember how in orientation they yammered on about what all these buttons and switches are for, well I was sorta stoned and now I can’t remember which is the one we definitely shouldn’t touch. Why don’t they just label them clearly instead of stringing a bunch of rando numbers and letters on them, which don’t give anyone a clue about how to not start a nuclear war.There used to be a bunch of manuals around here but, what, I guess they cost too much to keep updating so everything’s online. Does anyone know the password?”
The department of the interior has laid off 2300 employees, including smokey the bear. MJE always thought that smokey was a slacker and publicity whore that never took his job seriously. All he ever said was “only you can prevent forest fires.” If that isn’t passing the buck then I don’t know what is. Ranger Rick, who technically is not a federal employee, but a creation of the national wildlife federation, an independent nonprofit organization, unfortunately was also swept up in the purge and is currently unemployed and rummaging through your garbage.
Uncle Sam was spared, but lady liberty and rosie the riveter were both considered too woke and were given the heave ho. Open the door to women and the next thing you know they’ll want to join the military, go on combat missions, tell us to pick up our own coffee and goddam dry cleaning and generally being a pain in the ass. The entire american family structure will eventually collapse, women will want to be men, men will want to be women and no one will know which bathroom to use.
More than 1300 workers at the CDC were canned. Probably just as well, no one needs that many people monitoring things like bird flu since most of the chickens are dead now anyway. It’s just like you don’t pay the babysitter for the hours when your kids are asleep. Duh. Sadly those chickens may come home to roost when the bird flu inevitably hops onto humans. But hey, on the bright side egg prices may go down cause there will be fewer people alive to eat them. Another promise kept!
But all is not lost, trump has established a NEW department: the white house faith office, thus eliminating his need to continually trek to the nearest god spot to pray for guidance. Talk about streamlining! The faith office, will be led by none other than paula white-can. A native of tupelo, mississippi, white-can, 58, is a pastor, motivational speaker, author, and personal minister to celebrities such as michael Jackson, former baseball star daryl strawberry and donald trump, paragons of virtue all. The god squad will work alongside attorney general pam bondo to combat the blatant discrimination against christians that is so pervasive in federal institutions. Finally, someone has the balls to say that separation of church and state in america is ridiculous. It’s written right there on the dollar bill “In God We Trust.” Thanks paula!
my jaundiced eye 