myjaundicedeye

I deeply apologize to my long-suffering followers who have been stranded in the desert without MJE to offer sage advice on how to survive the current political shit show. You’re not going to like it but here’s my down low: we are all of us thoroughly screwed and we’re going to remain screwed for theContinue reading

plumber my ass

The OB&C recently received a very stern letter from the state plumbing board of the great state of louisiana citing him for soliciting plumbing without being licensed by the aforementioned governing body, specifically that he is “in violation of the laws of the state of louisiana, more specifically, l.a.r.s 37:1361 et seq.” It goes onContinue reading “plumber my ass”

the really royal wedding

The following is taken almost verbatim (with a bit of well deserved MJE embellishment) from the actual wedding website of a member of the OB&C’s family. To be crystal clear, not one of my kinfolk. The names have been changed to protect the profoundly narcissistic. I chose not to include the “entourage” section with headContinue reading “the really royal wedding”

kindergulag

Bienvenido a los estados unidos, oops sorry, sorry, my bad, what I meant to say was no eres bienvenido a los estados unidos. Oh for chrissake, this is just stupid, we’re american why do we have speak spanish? Why can’t we just tack up no trespassing signs along the border, or better yet build theContinue reading “kindergulag”

summit or sand trap?

Holy mother of pearl… how in less than a day did the conald manage to piss off all of our closest allies, basically telling them to go fork themselves, because we are goddam america and we don’t need you pathetic needy pipsqueaks. Not in the trenches, not in the foxholes, not in the deserts ofContinue reading “summit or sand trap?”

hamburger heaven

Well thanks to yet another tragic disappointment at the hands of big brother technology MJE has missed about 2000 news cycles since last week. So, this post is being updated to reflect the deviation in the earth’s rotation caused by the united states of america’s declaration of independence from the tectonic shift theory in orderContinue reading “hamburger heaven”

melanoma’s safe space

No woman that I can think of would ever welcome any sort of kidney infection, no way no how, unless you are melanoma that is. My guess is that she most likely considers her current condition to be nothing short of a gift from god. Ensconced in a luxurious private room in a hospital acrossContinue reading “melanoma’s safe space”

chewey, phooey, kaflooey and how

What is it with the conald and his attorneys, he hires them, goon shakes their hands for the cameras, and in a matter of months he just wants them to pick up their goddam clothes and hair products and get the hell out. Where is he finding these guys, tinder? He seems to vet hisContinue reading “chewey, phooey, kaflooey and how”

unlocked and unloaded

MJE just read the announcement that amazon prime members may now have orders delivered directly to their cars! As I interpret it, you download an app onto your cell phone and when the delivery man is within 2 blocks of your car he opens “the trunk” and drops your stuff right in there. He thenContinue reading “unlocked and unloaded”

charm offensive

I know MJE constantly whines about customer service agents, but this time I am giving kudos to not only whoever penned this beauty but also the poor souls who are required to answer incoming calls with this greeting… Agent: How may I charm you today? MJE: Huh? Agent: How may I charm you today? ThatContinue reading “charm offensive”