camp wa-me-o-lawd-wa-me

Greetings from camp covid here in north carolina! We only have one camper, our grandson jesus. He usually goes to regular camp for about 5 weeks but that is kaput so we are it. Basically, we do it because he desperately needs to be away from his mother, daughter albatross, and exposed to some vague semblance of a normal family environment. Well normal if you think living with two addled over drinkers in their seventies is normal. But we have the advantage of having an extremely low bar to hurdle, vis a vis his mother. He’s a wonderful boy, polite, helpful (to a fault, if you get my drift), amiable and clings to the OB&C like a deer tick. Every hour that the OB&C is awake he is right next to him. When the OB&C takes one of several daily naps he waits expectantly, listening intently, asking every few minutes if he’s up yet.

They do get along like two peas in a pod, so basically I am spending the summer as house mother to two eleven year olds. But every day is an adventure as you will see.

Last week they had to haul an old toilet to the landfill which they managed to turn into a two-day campaign. First they couldn’t lift it into the truck, then with some help they got it in but then it needed thirty yards of rope to make sure it didn’t slide around. For god’s sake it’s going to the landfill, what difference does it make? Then, although forewarned to check the operating hours, they arrived seven minutes too late so the OB&C, mini-me and the toilet came back. Tried again the next day, but the OB&C found the whole dump operation totally confounding, technically you need to enter at what seems like the exit gate, drive up to a booth and get a ticket, dump your stuff and go back to the booth and get a bill for the weight of whatever you dumped, $3.15. Hell I’ve dumped tons (well not literally) of stuff there, I just drive in, dump and depart. What takes me 15 minutes took them an hour, 45 minutes of which was trying to figure out why people were lining up at the booth. When it comes to dumping stuff in a landfill, I believe in don’t ask, don’t tell. Just dump and run.

Last week we also had some tree guys come to cut out our “view” of some far hills from here in the cheap seats. We all three stood on the front landing vibrating with anticipation and when one of the trees would fall we’d all scream TIMBER!!!!!. Then we enjoyed the spectacle of the “climber” who went up the nearby trees to trim low branches, then swung from one tree to another by his ropes and pulleys. We held our breath while he was trying to get his rope to the next tree and when he made it safely we whooped and hollered and clapped. Don’t take much to entertain us here, obviously.

However, the tree saga wasn’t over yet! There are several huge pines that are on our neighbor’s land that block our “view”, so we got his permission to top them off. But they are quite a ways from the house so the OB&C and mini-me went on an expedition to find where they were. They drove up an old roadbed just below our property but got stopped by a log across the road. Undeterred, they trekked cross country, laying trail markers, and piles of stones, all the while taking very thorough notes and drawing a map. It was straight out of the hardy boys…and they were proud as peacocks when they got back. Made sure I took a picture of the map and sent it immediately to the tree man. I am certain it will be clear as mud in reality.

They’ve also spent a good bit of time setting up a trail camera. Natch the sim card or whatever the OB&C bought for it was the wrong size so that entailed carefully gluing the package back together and making two separate trips to town, and two more meals at willy’s bbq. Finally got the right card, chose a good spot and installed it, but the pictures were all upside down. I suggested maybe the camera was installed upside down but they immediately poo-pooed that idea. Not remotely possible…sheesh, women!

Moving onto the next project…the light in my closet doesn’t work. They decided that the reason was the switch was bad. I said no, it’s the ballast. That sealed it, it’s definitely the light switch. So after running up and down to the garage and trying every single lever on the circuit breaker they finally found the one to cut the power for the closet. They spent an hour replacing the light switch and emerged declaring victory! I went in five minutes later and it didn’t work. What?  Not remotely possible!!! They decided the screws on the plate were too tight (?) so they loosened them up until it about fell off the wall but nada. They then went into executive session, huddled up and mulled over the situation and came to the conclusion that it was obviously the ballast that was malfunctioning.

Then there’s the light over the kitchen sink. The OB&C thought it wasn’t bright enough, and maybe one of the bulbs was out. So he lifted the plexiglas cover and don’t ya know, it cracked into several pieces. Not a problem, off to lowes to buy another piece. I suggested they have them cut it to size, what, are you crazy? We totally got this. I then tried to suggest that they consult our neighbor down the road, algie. He knows literally everything about everything and has all the necessary tools. Nah, don’t need any advice, all it takes is a razor blade. How hard can that be? Having been done in a few times by sheets of plexiglas I knew the answer is very. An hour later they emerged from the garage saying that it’s a whole lot trickier than it looks and the piece they were trying to cut broke into bits. Told ya. Fortunately, they had enough left to try a second time. Now they’re going to try a burn and cut method. I have an old gizmo for burning names into wood, so they’ll use that as a literal warm up before they started cutting. But they’re taking a break from that project for a few days so I anxiously await the next outcome. What I know for sure is that it will involve another trip to lowes and another sheet of plexiglas.

So as you can see, every day is better than the next here at camp wa-me-o-lord-wa-me. And we haven’t even gotten to bottle rockets, target practice or archery.