toys r ca-razy

The OB&C and MJE await the imminent arrival of grand daughter bandoleira-saturnalia, her parter, adamame and crown prince henny-penny for a two week visit. In advance of their arrival, bandoliera has requested a few items we must have on hand: a portable crib, which is understandable and (mje is not making this up) a fisher-price baby bouncer palm paradise jumperoo activity center with music lights, sound and developmental toys. Available at amazon for $79.99. How in the world did we ever raise children without a fisher-price baby bouncer palm paradise jumperoo activity center with music lights, sound and developmental toys???? Back in the cave we had to make do with some bones and rocks, which must be the reason our children are so maladjusted and needy adults. At least ours are. If only we had had the fisher-price baby bouncer palm paradise jumperoo activity center with music lights, sound and developmental toys, the world, and our family would be a whole lot happier.

Of course as any great grandmother would do, I frantically rushed to purchase this incredible gizmo (delivered overnight just to be safe), because god knows I don’t want to screw up another generation! Imagine if our little prince didn’t have the fisher-price baby bouncer palm paradise jumperoo activity center with music lights, sound and developmental toys, when all of his entitled brethren did? I hate to even entertain the thought of how he’d always be the last one to get picked for the dodgeball team, get a date for the prom or get into to a second, or even third rate college.

Mje tried to point out to bandoliera that it’s a miracle that our children somehow managed to get by with some wooden blocks, a few squeeky toys and an open drawer of pots and pans. Or maybe that was just us, and everyone else had earlier iterations of the fisher-price baby bouncer palm paradise jumperoo activity center with music lights, sound and developmental toys and we didn’t know it. We had no idea that we were depriving our offspring of exactly what they needed to develop into thoughtful, caring, open minded, intellectually curious, fully functioning adults instead of the self absorbed, whiney, angry people they are. Well too late now.

But boy oh boy, mje won’t make that mistake again! Especially after I pointed out to bandoliera that neither she nor her mother or uncle ever had the fisher-price baby bouncer palm paradise jumperoo activity center with music lights, sound and developmental toys, to which she responded with 35 emojis whose meaning I don’t know, but can guess, and a terse “Don’t test me, I am stressed enough as it is.”

It’s gonna be a hallmark holiday, I can just feel it.